Speak Up!: About Men, Women, Respect, and Sexuality

Just the other Sunday I went to church.  As I pulled up to an empty building, I quickly looked on line and learned the service was at a different location for a special celebration for the Preacher’s anniversary at the church.  I raced over to catch what I could of the service.

During the service, I went to use the bathroom.  As I walked out, I was greeted by a man, sitting in a chair, who acted like we knew each other. He was very friendly, said “Hello,” in a booming voice, and I looked at him quizzically. “Do I know this guy,” I thought to myself.  I didn’t recognize him, but thought he knew me from going to services, as he asked where I’d been recently.

I was friendly and reserved with him.

Next to him sat another man. They were both in their 50’s or 60’s. This other man didn’t say much with him mouth, but as I talked with the friendly man for a few moments, I watched as his friend kept a straight stare at my crotch. Literally, I don’t think he looked up much.

As I stood there, feeling more and more uncomfortable, I tried to shift my posture slightly, thinking that maybe the way the light was hitting me he could see through the rayon fabric of the pants I was wearing. Even though I did, he kept on staring.  I don’t know why I didn’t do more in that moment: cover the area he seemed to be staring at with my purse, asked him to stop looking at me like that, tell him I felt uncomfortable with the way he was looking at me, etc.

I walked away feeling pissed, angry. I felt uncomfortable. I felt shame.

I felt silenced by his stare, like I couldn’t say anything about it because that would be rude. And, what if it was me? What if I was the culprit, wearing something that was “too see through,” even though I was modestly fully dressed.

Enough is enough, I thought last night, as I revisited the experience in my mind and noticed I still felt angry about not speaking up to him at that moment!

The words staring coming out of me, “Speak up, speak up,” and I knew I had to grab the recorder and get this one on!


In church or wherever, how can we, as grown adults, learn how to respect each other with our eyes, with our minds, with our hearts, with our words, with our actions?

How do you show yourself and others respect?

The time is now for a new paradigm around sex and sexuality, our “human nature.”  There are enough people on the planet.  Our race is not dependent on procreation at this time.

We can learn how to be in relationship with each other in a new way around sex, attraction, sexuality, admiring each others physical beauty, etc., instead of centered on sex and sexuality from solely a mental and biologically centered place.

Lets see what’s possible when we shine a light on sex and sexuality, be open and honest about our feelings from a respectful place, own our desires and wantings, and embody ourselves, all of ourselves.

Peace and Love,


p.s.  Check out our free 5-Day Mindfulness Challenge here.  It’s five simple mindfulness tools that will help you learn how to discern what you’re feeling and be able to make clearer, healthier choices!  CLICK HERE to get this freebie right now!  

p.p.s. Need more resources?  Head over to the coaching page for ways you can continue your healing journey. 

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