Yes, this is the beginning. Diary of a Salsa Dancer. How exciting, how interesting!
This is about life lessons on the dance floor.
Tonight I went to a Halloween Salsa party. I walked in to a room FULL of festively dressed men and women twirling around the dance floor. It was packed and it was HOTTT (literally). The heat felt good on my face after coming in from the cold October rain.
I danced my way through the evening enjoying some and wondering about others. I was triggered. Yes, I was triggered. There was a moment when I started to compare myself to others again. I heard that voice that sounds like: “I’m not good enough,” “Why can’t I get that move,” “Look, she’s got it,” etc., etc.
I got curious and noticed that I was triggered. Ah, there is some space and there is also this lump of sadness in my throat, this feeling of tension in my arms, this frustration that just wants to come out by spinning my arms around in wild circles like a helicopters propellers.
What is UP with that? Haven’t I moved beyond this yet?
I guess not, a new layer, another layer of this same old thing: not feeling confident enough, not feeling sure of myself, scared. I mean I STILL feel scared going out on the dance floor with a really good dancer. “Am I going to be able to make it? Am I going to be able to do good enough? Am I going to be able to follow him? What if, what if, what if?” are familiar thoughts that run through my head.
There is so much stuff coming up around self-esteem. It’s crazy and it is SO interesting! What a RIPE place for transformation: the dance floor.
Are you starting to understand why I dance salsa now?
Tonight, I decided, “That is enough of the insecure dancer. That is enough of the unconfident Sarah. I am going for it. I am here. I believe in myself! And I am going to HAVE FUN Damn-it!”
As I washed my hands at the end of the night, what came to me was, “You are not really ready to live in your fullest potential or else you WOULD be living in your fullest potential.”
What surfaced from that thought was this: that what living in my fullest potential requires is my ability to let go of ALL the old stories, all the old pains, all the old hurts, all the old grudges, all the old stuff! It requires me to truly live FRESH in each and every moment, like a clean slate every time!
Do you feel that? Do you feel the LIGHTNESS of that?
I do and I am scared and I am ready.
Open de Door