I Belong, I am a Part of

This week, I sent my soul twin brother in Cuba a sms message over email.

Soon after, I got a text message on my phone from the instant messaging service stating that I was assigned a “local” number for this person and I didn’t have to use the Cuban number anymore.

I couldn’t believe it.  In my growing Spanish language comprehension, I read through the message again and was pretty sure what it meant.  I sent an email to the service to find out more.

In the meantime, to my absolute delight and TOTAL SURPRISE, though I have to admit, a part of me KNEW this was coming as I was almost anticipating it, I GOT A RESPONSE from this “new” number I was assigned!

It was my dear soul twin brother in Cuba, responding to my text message.

I couldn’t believe it as we have not been able to respond to each other like this before.

I squealed. I felt instantly happy, and sad.

The happiness came from feeling so blessed and excited about the possibility of more instant communication with my friend in Cuba.  The sadness was a bit of a mystery to me at first.

I remember being in Cuba last year, the weekend before I came home.  Throughout the day I watched my friend interacting with his wife, child, family and students and I noticed the feelings of graspy neediness towards him as my pending departure approached.

What was this neediness all about?  Why did I feel graspy?  As I spoke to him that day, at the beach, I began to notice these reactions and told him about how I was feeling, owning my experience as a habitual response that comes up when change approaches.  Noticing this within myself was enough of an opening for a new and different viewpoint to arise.  Communicating with him felt good in a non-confrontational way and his listening to my experience felt supportive.

A little later on I watched him dancing with his wife, adding in the breakdance steps that I had showed them on an earlier trip that year.  Their son joined them soon after, dancing in between them as they mirrored the basic steps of salsa for him.  As I watched this beautiful experience unfold and felt the love between them, a thought came through my mind:

“I am a part of their love.”

Ahhh, this seemed to shift EVERYTHING!

I am not separate from them.

It was this same feeling of “separation” surfacing again the other day as I received his first text response to me. The graspy neediness.  I want MORE, I want MORE connection.

Who do I need more connection with?  What do I think is missing here?

What is this feeling of separateness that surfaces?  What purposes does it serve?

What I do know is that it is a HUGE arrow pointing me directly towards myself, what I want and need, towards what  and who I am.

How do you come home to yourself?

What is important about self-connection?

What fuels your self empowerment and greater self acceptance and love?

Share with me below and I am grateful for your response.

Love, Sarah

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